Reflections – Gentle Mind Counselling & Psychotherapy https://gentlemind.com.sg Counselling & Psychotherapy Services Sun, 08 Nov 2026 11:59:57 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.1.4 https://mlyxnjhqxzxu.i.optimole.com/w:32/h:32/q:mauto/ig:avif/dpr:2/https://gentlemind.com.sg/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/cropped-cropped-GM-logo.jpg Reflections – Gentle Mind Counselling & Psychotherapy https://gentlemind.com.sg 32 32 Talking about feelings https://gentlemind.com.sg/2025/09/30/talking-about-feelings/ Tue, 30 Sep 2025 05:39:11 +0000 https://gentlemind.com.sg/?p=8429 reflections from the therapy room Why it’s hard to talk about feelings (even in therapy) Going blank when someone asks how you feel is common, including in counselling. It’s rarely a sign that you’re resisting or doing therapy wrong. More often, it’s a protective habit learned long ago. This article explores why it happens, why […]

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reflections from the therapy room

Why it's hard to talk about feelings (even in therapy)

Going blank when someone asks how you feel is common, including in counselling. It's rarely a sign that you're resisting or doing therapy wrong. More often, it's a protective habit learned long ago. This article explores why it happens, why finding words still matters, and gentle ways to begin, at your own pace.

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  • last modified November 9, 2026 7:09 am

There’s a moment I see often in the therapy room after I ask, “And how does that make you feel?”. A heavy pause settles, and the silence stretches. Therapy is meant to be a safe space to talk about feelings, yet many people struggle to open up.

Early in my career, I worried about these pauses. Had I asked the wrong question? Was the client unwilling to engage? Was therapy not working? Now I see them differently. Struggling to put feelings into words is incredibly common, and it’s rarely because someone doesn’t care or is holding back on purpose. More often, a part of them is trying to keep them safe.

The Wisdom in Silence

A part of us may have once learned: “Speaking your feelings is not safe.” The lesson may come from a childhood where emotions were repeatedly brushed aside with: “Stop crying, there’s nothing to be upset about.” It may originate from trauma, when vulnerability once led to pain. And sometimes it’s simply habit, built over years of pushing feelings down to keep life moving.

When those old lessons live in the body, silence can become a reflex. These inner voices can silence emotions before they ever reach words.

Why people shy away from talking about their emotions

  • Beliefs about emotions itself:

Some may believe emotions are a weakness, a waste of time, or even dangerous.

  • Fear of vulnerability:

Opening up means letting someone see the raw, unpolished parts of you. That can feel risky, even with a supportive therapist. 

  • Not wanting to be a burden to others:

Many of us grew up valuing strength, self-reliance, and keeping the peace. In Singapore and across many Asian families, “don’t worry the family,” “just tahan,” or protecting “face” can quietly teach us that our feelings are best kept to ourselves. Those habits often served us well, and they can make it hard to speak up even when we want to.

  • Fear of being consumed by emotion:

The worry of losing control and breaking down.

  • Lack of emotional awareness:

Many of us were never taught words for what we feel. Some people experience alexithymia, a difficulty identifying or describing emotions, often because feelings were never given a language in their environment.

  • Fear of criticism (from self or others):

We may label our feelings “too much,” “too silly,” or “not valid.” Some clients worry that their therapist is quietly thinking, “Your problems aren’t that serious.”

These concerns don’t disappear inside the therapy room. They often sit there with us unspoken. Feelings of shame or guilt, and deeply rooted beliefs about emotions can be powerful barriers.

The examples below are composites, with details changed to protect confidentiality.

A client working through past trauma confessed something many people feel: “I’m scared that if I start crying, I won’t stop.”

One young professional struggling with stress and burnout once told me, “I just don’t have the words. Nothing comes up when you ask.”

Another client seeking help for self-esteem issues whispers “I don’t know” each time the question was posed.

More often than not, I hear “I feel okay” or “I feel fine”

If any of this sounds familiar, if you’ve ever gone blank, hesitated, or worried you were “doing therapy wrong,” I want to reassure you: you are not failing. You are protecting yourself in the best way you know how.

Why Finding Words Still Matters

Avoidance can protect us in the short term. Over time, however, the habitual suppression of emotions can take a toll, and it has been linked with greater stress, anxiety, low mood, emotional numbness, and difficulty feeling close to others. Bottled-up feelings can also create distance in relationships, while openness tends to build trust and intimacy.

A growing number of studies have also shown encouraging news that that labeling feelings can down-regulate distress (Einat Levy-Gigi et al., 2022). hence, naming an emotion, even imperfectly, can take some of its edge off.

So when we speak our feelings, even clumsily, we begin to make sense of them rather than carrying them as unspoken weight.

The Gentle Work of Therapy: Go at Your Own Pace

In therapy, the aim isn’t to force feelings out. It’s to normalise what you’re experiencing, build trust, and create enough safety that you can approach your feelings at a pace that works for you. Over time, people discover that feelings can be spoken, felt, and survived, without catastrophe.

Spoken words are not always the first or easiest way to express emotion. I have worked with some who found it easier to write about what they were feeling between sessions. Having time to find the words made a difference. When we met again, they could choose what to share from what they’d written. Over time, the notes gave us a way to begin conversations that had been hard to start out loud.

 

What I do in the Room

When someone goes quiet, I don’t push. I might slow things down, offer a few possible words to try on, invite you to notice what’s happening in your body, or simply stay with you in the silence. If words aren’t working, we can try writing, drawing, or another route. You are always in control of how much we explore and how fast.

Gentle Reminders

  • You’re in control of how much to talk about. It’s okay to slow down or take breaks.

  • Feeling overwhelmed is a common response. You’re not doing it wrong.

  • Reframe “struggling to talk about feelings” as part of your healing, not a failure.

  • Therapy is about building safety and trust, one step at a time.

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Counselling Services FAQ

Counselling and psychotherapy provide a confidential space to explore emotional difficulties, life experiences and recurring patterns with a trained professional. The terms are often used interchangeably.

Counselling is a very broad term used in conjunction with many types of advice giving. In the context of mental health counselling, counsellors rarely offer outright advice. It is an active process of supporting clients to understand and resolve their what may be causing them difficulties.

Psychotherapy may involve more in-depth work with longstanding patterns or past experiences.

The approach taken can be adapted according to your needs and goals.

The first session gives you space to share what has brought you to counselling and what you hope may become different.

Your counsellor may ask questions to understand your situation and discuss possible ways of working together.

You are also welcome to raise any questions or concerns, and you will not be expected to disclose everything immediately.

It is also normal to feel anxious or somewhat apprehensive about speaking to a stranger for the first time. If at any moment, the experience does not feel right for you, do let your counsellor know.

Individual counselling sessions last 60 minutes.

When it is necessary, and when possible, extension beyond the 60 minutes session can be discussed with your therapist

This differs from person to person.
Some people benefit from shorter-term counselling focused on a particular concern, while others choose longer-term work for more complex or longstanding difficulties.

Your progress and needs can be reviewed periodically, with the frequency and number of sessions adjusted where appropriate.

It is worth noting that it may take a few sessions to build up the rapport and trust necessary for therapy to work.

People seek counselling for many reasons. You may be experiencing emotional distress, trying to understand recurring patterns, coping with a difficult experience or transition, improving your relationships, or seeking greater self-understanding. You do not need to have a diagnosis or wait until things become overwhelming before asking for support.

If you are uncertain, a free 20-minute consultation allows you to briefly discuss what you are looking for, ask questions about counselling and get an initial sense of whether the counsellor may be a suitable fit for you. If another type of support appears more appropriate, the counsellor can also discuss this with you.

The relationship with your counsellor is an important part of therapy because counselling often involves discussing experiences, emotions or patterns that may be difficult to share.

The therapeutic relationship differs from all other relationships you have. This relationship meant for you to feel respected, understood and emotionally safe enough to make it easier to speak openly, explore uncomfortable areas.

A good therapeutic relationship does not mean that every session will feel comfortable. Trust often develops over time. What matters is that you feel able to communicate honestly and work collaboratively with your counsellor

Information shared during counselling is treated as private and confidential. Exceptions may apply when there is a serious risk of harm to you or someone else, or when disclosure is required by law. Your counsellor can explain these limits at the beginning of therapy.

We adhere fully to the requirements of the Data Protection Act and the ethical framework set out by the SAC (Singapore Association for Counselling) and APACS (Association for Psychotherapist and Counsellors Singapore).

Information on our fees and cancellation policy can be found on our fees page.

Counsellor & Psychotherapist in Singapore

speak to a counsellor

We offer counselling & psychotherapy for emotional well-being and personal growth at Gentle Mind.

Contact us if you would like to make a counselling appointment or learn more about us and our team.

Sessions are available in-person and online. In-person sessions are conveniently located in Orchard, Singapore.

Book AppointmentLearn more about us

Gentle Mind does not provide emergency or crisis services

For Immediate support in a crisis

If you or anyone you know are in need of immediate help, or facing a life-threatening situation, call 995 or go to the nearest hospital A&E.

If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or need immediate emotional support, contact Samaritans of Singapore (SOS):

  • 24-hour hotline: 1767

  • 24-hour CareText via WhatsApp: 9151 1767

Samaritans of SingaporeInstitute of Mental Health

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]]> The Quiet Ache of Loneliness https://gentlemind.com.sg/2025/09/15/the-quiet-ache-of-loneliness/ Mon, 15 Sep 2025 09:37:25 +0000 https://gentlemind.com.sg/?p=7894 Reflections from the therapy room – As a therapist, one theme returns to me in the therapy room - the experience of feeling lonely. Loneliness isn’t always obvious, and at times it can feel incredibly heavy

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Reflections from the therapy room - The Quiet ache of loneliness

Loneliness Isn't Always Obvious
When Loneliness Feels Heavy
A Personal Reflection
Afterword

As a therapist, one theme returns to me again and again in the therapy room. So often, many of the stories I hear are at their heart about loneliness. Regardless of age, background or presenting issue. Clients come in with many different concerns — anxiety, relationship difficulties, grief after loss, or a vague sense of emptiness that clients struggle to name — but again and again, with time and when deeper layers unfold, what emerges underneath is a quiet pain of disconnection.

Each story is different, but beneath them runs a common thread: the yearning to be seen, heard, and held in genuine connection

The Ache of Loneliness Isn’t Always Obvious

It rarely shows up in the first session as the main reason for seeking therapy. Clients don’t show up and declare that “I feel lonely”, it wears many faces;

From school-aged teenagers finding their place in the world, to young working adults in their 20s and 30s navigating careers and relationships, to senior professionals balancing responsibilities, and retirees adjusting to new rhythms of life — loneliness can touch every stage. It affects those who are single or married, people who live alone or in busy households, and even those surrounded by friends and colleagues.

It can appear as

  • A young professional telling me: “I go out with colleagues all the time, but no one really knows me. I laugh at their jokes, but inside I feel invisible.”
  • An older client confessing: “I keep the TV on all day so I don’t hear the silence. My children are busy, and I don’t want to disturb them.”
  • A married client sharing: “I sit right next to my partner, and yet feel completely alone”

Loneliness is not weakness. It is a signal — like hunger or thirst — that we are missing something essential: genuine connection with another.

image of a person in the depth of loneliness

When Loneliness Feels Heavy

In our culture, where family and social belonging are so highly valued, loneliness can carry a particular kind of stigma. Clients tell me that admitting loneliness feels shameful — like confessing to a weakness or failure. When success and resilience are so highly prized, loneliness can feel like something to hide. Many of my clients tell me they don’t want to admit it even to their closest friends, because they fear being judged as needy, weak, or ungrateful. People learn to hide it — sometimes even from themselves — until the ache becomes unbearable.

One of the more painful truths I’ve witnessed is how loneliness can trap people in toxic, even destructive, relationships.

I’ve heard clients say:

  • “I know he belittles me, but the thought of going home to an empty flat feels worse.”
  • “She criticises me constantly, but at least I’m not alone.”
  • “If I leave, who will I have?”

The fear of being alone can feel more unbearable than enduring neglect, criticism, or even abuse. This is not weakness — it is human. Our brains are wired to avoid isolation at all costs, even if it means clinging to relationships that erode us.

A Personal Reflection

Over the years, being a therapist has shown me some profound truths about loneliness:

Loneliness is far more common than most of us imagine. Loneliness is universal. It cuts across age, culture, family background, and life circumstances. You can be surrounded by people and still feel it deeply.

Naming loneliness is healing. The act of acknowledging it out loud often softens its hold. It allows people to recognise it for what it is, rather than seeing it as a personal flaw. It takes courage to admit to feeling lonely in a world that tells us we should be strong and self-sufficient. And every time, I am reminded of how much courage it takes to name it — and how much healing begins the moment we do.

Connection begins small. Healing doesn’t always come from grand gestures. Sometimes, it starts with one safe relationship, one honest conversation, or one moment of being truly seen.

If you are reading this and recognise yourself in these words, I want you to know: you are not alone in your loneliness. It may feel heavy, but it is not a weight you have to carry by yourself. Reaching out for help is not a weakness — it is a step toward the connection we all deserve.

Afterword

The Role of Therapy in Reconnection

One of the quiet gifts of therapy is that it can be the first safe space where clients feel less alone. Not because the therapist has the answers, but because therapy offers:

  • Presence: someone sitting with you, without judgment or distraction.
  • Permission: a space where it is safe to be vulnerable and honest.
  • Perspective: gentle support in untangling old patterns that keep connection out of reach.

 

From there, many clients begin to take tentative steps outward — reaching out to a friend, expressing needs in a relationship, joining a group, or simply allowing themselves to hope that deeper connection is possible.

A Gentle Final Word

Loneliness, while painful, does not have to be permanent. With the right support, it can become a doorway — not into despair, but into rediscovering yourself, and into creating the healthier, more nourishing connections you deserve.

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Contact us if you would like to make a counselling appointment or learn more about us and our team

Book AppointmentLearn more about us

Counselling Services FAQ

Counselling is a very broad term used in conjunction with many types of advice giving. In the context of psychotherapy however, counsellors rarely offer advice, it is the active process of assisting and guiding clients, by a trained professional to understand and resolve personal, social, or psychological problems and difficulties.

Psychotherapy, also called “talk therapy”  aims at gaining insight into mental or emotional health, the resolution of inner conflicts, and to enhance your relationship with yourself and others

 

The initial session is when your counsellor has the opportunity to find out what brings you to therapy and gather as much useful information as possible.

The counsellor then discusses with the client the various approaches which may be appropriate.

This is also a good opportunity to raise any questions and concerns about the counsellor or process of therapy itself.

It is also nornal to feel anxious or somewhat apprehensive about speaking to a stranger for the first time.

If at any moment, the discomfort you feel is too much for you, do let your counsellor know.

Each individual session takes 60 minutes. When it is necessary, and when possible, extension beyond the 60 minutes session can be discussed with your therapist

 

Depending on the issue, short-term interventions can help a great deal in a very few sessions in the event of an immediate crisis.

Longer term therapy on an open-ended basis may be need for more deeply entrenched issues.

It is worth noting that it may take a few sessions to build up the rapport and trust necessary for therapy to work.

Effective therapy alleviates symptoms of emotional/psychological disturbances, reduces confusion and empowers a person to make their own effective choices and the decision to act upon them.

People enter counselling for various reasons, to regain psychological wellness, to address unresolved feelings, for personal development, to improve relationships, or to make sense of any emotions they may be experiencing.

The therapeutic relationship between a psychotherapist/counsellor and a client is strictly professional.

The therapeutic relationship differs from all other relationships you have.

You can tell your therapist things without having to worry about your information being told to others or in any way affecting your job, family or relationships. You can be honest with your therapist without having to worry about offending friends or family.

When a therapist asks how you are doing, he or she really wants to know.

It is very important to work with a counsellor/therapist that you are comfortable with and feel you can trust in order to form a good therapeutic relationship.

The level of trust and empathy between you and your counsellor is crucial to the success of therapy.

We adhere fully to the requirements of the Data Protection Act and the ethical framework set out by the SAC (Singapore Association of Counsellors) and APAC (Association for Psychotherapist and Counsellors).

All information disclose during therapy is private and confidential except in extenuating circumstances where there is risk of serious harm to you or others.

In the event of a life-threatening medical situation, call 995 or go to the nearest A&E.

crisis Helplines

if you or anyone you know are in need of immediate help

Samaritans of SingaporeInstitute of Mental Health

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